Event: Drag Queen Bingo

Where: Be Bar - 1318 9th St. NW

When: Tuesdays at 9:00pm

Quick Facts

Cost: Free

Cheapest Drink: $2.00 rail drinks during bingo

Dudes: I mean its a gay bar - there are well dressed good looking dudes everywhere.

Chicks: the bar was about 30% straight female who were actually pretty attractive. Gay bar game is interesting, the advantage as a straight male here is that there are probably 3 others like you in the bar and women generally have their guard down here. The disadvantage is that once they find out you aren’t gay you have to take your hands off their tits. Anyway….

Tuesday night is bingo night at Be Bar downtown by the convention center. I went with a date (the number snatcher from Reggae Night) and another couple(one of whom is a co-editor). I had assembled this crew as a buffer against what I had been told was a very very aggressive event at a very very gay bar.

Chain Male

As soon as I entered the bar I realized that my “buffer’ would be a laughable defense. I brought SPF 4 to this place and the gay noon sun stood high in the sky parching my milky straight skin at every nook and cranny. After pushing my way through a series of well dressed men making eye contact with me I found a couch and sat down covered my eyes with my hands and waited for bingo to start whilst trying to ignore the man show on the wall:

Thanks Alex, I’ll take things that you stick in your ass for 500.

Bingo is led by two tranned out virtuosos named Xavier Onassis Bloomingdale and Gigi Paris Couture. The first round ended when the trannies went through and verified the score(see video) The first winner won a giant white dildo and was given sound advice on proper care and maintenance:

And said dildo, of course:

I always keep my junk shrink wrapped. Click to order!

After a few more rounds of bingo things got interesting. I was called up to the stage for what I assumed was some kind of prize… poor decision making. A straight girl was called up on stage and I was asked to turn around with my back to the audience and the girl faced me up close and was asked by Onassis to determine “which way I hung”. She was horrified, and looked at me with frantic, trembling eyes and screamed WHAT!?!??! in a vain cry for help. I knew if I had protested this would have only angered them and I’d wind up having to hedgehog myself up there… such is the way of the tranny. I consented and they finally convinced(forced) her to have a looksie and she determined I had a 20% westbound yaw.

Oh Kabooki!

Unfortunately while she was taking mental protractor measurements one of the trannies also snuck a peek and yelled “Oh kabooki!” into the microphone. I have no idea what the fuck that means but I got a bit of clarity through the subsequent bulgy open-dress crotch flash and bedtime invitation from Gigi when I returned to my seat.

The Crying Game

After the class c public sex crime, the evening went on fairly uneventfully. Some snippets about avoiding scat covered dildos etc…

With the surprisingly entertaining evening drawing to a close, I went home, had a quick bite to eat and then laid down in my shower scrubbed myself with some steel wool and softly cried for a few hours.

So if you’re a gamer then throw on your favorite culottes and roll over to Be Bar on Tuesday night. Don’t forget to scream when they yell O 69.

Tags: be bar, be bar bingo, bingo, dildo, drag queen, drag queen bingo, gay

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 at 11:36 am and is filed under 2. Tuesday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.